The Anger Ball

This is where I am going to express what I need to get out, it is a really straight forward outlet that I totally appreciate, because this sort of thing cannot be bottled up inside, I know, because I was extremely disturbed at different times this week since this final incident last Sunday night.

One of my best friends, said she wouldn’t tolerate what I have recently been thru, (during the past few months) but I would like to see her perform if she actually was in my position. The new roommate in a household of three in bustling millennial Seattle, where everything including housing is highly competitive and expensive.

I have felt sooooo many ways over this. I have learned when you are experiencing abuse at home…..to be continued [*********]

Some folks, just want/are compelled to fish for attention, and they don’t care if it is positive or negative or who they are even talking to. I gained some insight about this from reading the Celestine Prophecy.

It took awhile, but I finally realized the message this “brother” needed to get from me is if you yell at me again, the conversation will be over” — I had to close my eyes to say it, since the yelling had already started, and after I said that the yelling continued and he followed me to my bedroom and after I went inside and locked the door he commenced banging on my door to open up and yelling in the hall for quite some time. That was around 10pm I didn’t come back out again until about 3am when a friend finally took a cab over so I wouldn’t have to deal with whatever is the tomorrow after an interaction like that alone. That is when I finally brushed my teeth for the night. That is the last thing I have said to him. It’s been a week that I have been shunning him, and I see no end it sight to that method of coping.

Then after resolution finally came, thank God, I still experienced PTSD and tension at home, because the one who has been soooooo damn far over the line around here, still lives here and even tho he has been warned that if he yells at members of the household or is violent on the house one more time, he’s out. He is still here. When I first re-encountered him again after being fortunate enuf to not see him for a few days after this last I felt that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

One thing that I do keep in mind is that people who act this way, are not aware and are abusive because they are fucked up themselves and have major unresolved issues, — -that’s the charitable thought in me. For me, it seems like an opportunity for closure to something that is part of my makeup. My mother yells like this, and is relentless in her pursuit to continue yelling at me and breaking things. She clearly has unresolved anger issues, and I’m thinking I must be attracting this in some way even it is just an opportunity to stop someone in an analogous situation. I have never thus far been able to stop my mothers yelling in a rage in person.

There is so much to our minds, and vibes, and psychology, and traumas.

I’ve had thoughts of revenge, which is totally understandable. Well, I’ll finish this later, but here I am slingin it unfinished onto the internet so I feel expressed and better, and that’s all that matters to me. Peace.